Hope you’re sitting down for this shocking news!

This weekend Russia held a big election for its president, and the results are just so shocking I’ll insist you need to sit down before I reveal them:

Aw, bullshit. You already guessed it. Vladimir Putin won his FOURTH damn term, in a landslide. No need to act surprised; valid competitors found themselves somehow incapacitated (perhaps even dead) leaving Big Daddy Vladdy the only viable candidate; and you damn well know there were no end of dirty tricks and election tampering to ensure Papa Putin got himself another six years to boss around his not so joyful subjects and disrupt democracies elsewhere.

Bet lunch our Orange Overlord was fighting turning polonium green with envy while phoning in hearty congrabulations to his puppet master. He’d love to have an “election” just as successful in 2020… Oh, that’s right. A prisoner in Guantanamo isn’t going to have a re-election campaign from prison. A tyrant toddler can dream, can’t he?

John Pierce
Starving cartoonist sans portfolio. Native Angeleno but I'll be mellow when I dead (thanks, Al Yankovic). I live to bully bullies!