Screw Halloween! Real life is scary enough

“Halloween is every day,” claimed the industrial trance band The Ministry back in the 90s. Fuck yeah. And the latest news bears that out.

I know folks scorn my dismal view of modern horror movies and such other dreck akin to it. But, honestly. The latest reports on the six o’clock evening news are horrifying enough, and they’re REAL. One of this squeamish nerd’s complaints about the modern horror genre is that there seems to be no escape from the nightmare, short of death. Hey, I have to endure the news just to have content for my cartoons, just to know what the hell’s going on in our world. I hardly view it as entertainment. When I want escape, I want REAL escape, not more of the same horror only more grisly and gory.

Some stupid yutz who moved here from friggin’ Uzbekistan (central friggin’ Asia) rents a work truck from a hardware chain and uses it as a weapon, plowing through innocent joggers, pedestrians, and bicyclists in Manhattan. Our Orange Overlord promptly blames the victims and uses the terrorism to hype his putrid xenophobic “immigration reform,” getting his facts wrong all along the way. Our dear Donnie Doublescoop’s purported adult in the room, his chief of staff John “Four-Star” Kelly goes all “states-rights” on Rep. Frederica Wilson as a lame excuse to not apologize for his unwarranted criticism of her. Our Mango Mussolini’s top fabricator, his current Press Secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sandbagger joins the tone deaf chorus of Trumpeters who screech “fake news” at the Russiagate indictments, even denying that campaign “volunteer” George Papadopoulos was anything more important than a coffee boy.

Yup. All real news. Nothing dreamt up, nothing pulled out of my ass, and scary as all shit. Who the hell needs to waste $10 on stupid movie ticket to watch some demonic clown kill Maine kids or some such? The evening news tops this, on a slow news day.

Some folks get a big adrenaline rush, an electric thrill from chainsaw massacres and killer clowns and demonic ghouls. Bullshit. You want the good stuff? Tune in MSNBC or the eleven o’clock nightly news. Have your box of Depends handy.

John Pierce
Starving cartoonist sans portfolio. Native Angeleno but I'll be mellow when I dead (thanks, Al Yankovic). I live to bully bullies!